0131 superbowl weekend

Today, the Men’s Ministry at SBCC had a Flag Football/Pancake Breakfast, to get Superbowl weekend started off right. The morning started with a couple of simultaneous flag football games being played at McMaster Park in Torrance.

Scott, the organizer, divided the participants in half to get two games started. He said that the “younger” players would probably want a faster game, so he separated the participants by ages. Those who were under 30 went on one field; those who were 30 and older to another.

The two groups were uneven, so he kept juggling the ages until it evened up. At the end, I think one group was 34 and under, while the other group was 35 and older. There was a moment of confusion when one of the “older” participants was hiding on the “younger” team.

Fortunately, I was a spectator as I would have skewed the division up more. It was nice to sit back and watch others slip on the cold, wet grass.

After the games, everyone drove back to SBCC for the Pancake Breakfast. Gary F said grace for the gathering. The food was cooked and served by the men of Hawaii Five-O. Pastor Ken gave a talk on finding and maintaining a support group within the church. Carlton talked about the many ministries that are available to the men of SBCC.

0130 getting to first base

20/20 had a report called “The Science of Seduction” and discussed the various ways that millions of Americans will take to find their “match” this year. This reminded me of something and I’ll share it with you.

A few years ago, I met some friends for dinner. After dinner, several of us were involved in a discussion, including several married couples.

Somehow, the topic changed to dating and meeting, and someone mentioned “baseball” and all the guys laughed. One of the wives asked for an explanation and that started a description of “getting to first base”, “getting to second base”, “getting to third base”, and “ “hitting a home run”.

One of my married friends said, “Hey! I got to first base once!” He married his high school sweetheart and had been married for about thirteen years.

His wife added, “Yeah, but it was a fielder’s choice!” He just stared at her with his mouth open and an I-can’t-believe-you-said-that look.

The rest of us laughed, but it was doubly funny because she’s not a “baseball” person. As far as I know, she still thinks that baseball games have “quarters”, not “innings”. It’s funny when she talks about staying at a game until the “ninth quarter”.

Come to think of it, all of my base hits were fielder’s choices.

Hmmmm.

0130 my facebook challenge - hour 282

I found out that one of my skiing friends has joined Facebook and sent me a Friend Request. I sent her an e-mail explaining why I wouldn’t be able to accept the request until I returned in mid-February.

I get a message sent to my e-mail inbox every time someone sends me a Friend Request. So I find these things out without logging into Facebook.

Another bump in the road.

0130 pushing the envelope of therapy

I saw Jenn, my physical therapist, today and we were working on shifting my weight over my feet and maintaining balance. Then she said, “Remember, keep your hips over your shoulders.”

My sudden laughter made her realize what she said and she quickly corrected herself.

Modern techniques in therapy keep pushing the envelope, since I have trouble keeping my shoulders above my hips.

(sigh)

0129 short escape

Did you watch the news today? A couple of prisoners in New Zealand made a mad dash for freedom, but they didn’t get very far. You see, they were handcuffed together and while they were running, decided to run on opposite sides of a lightpole.

Yep. The pole was stationary and acted like a pivot point, and their restraints caused them to run into each other. In case you missed it, here it is.



I’m still laughing. I guess it’s a good thing that their DNA will be out of the gene pool for quite a long time.

0128 my facebook challenge - hour 234

I ran into a friend and he asked, “Is it true that you’re taking a 30-day self-imposed break from Facebook?”

I told him it was true, and will end on February 17th. He just smiled. I asked him why he was smiling.

He asked, “Did you plan it that way?” I asked him to explain.

He said, “February 17th? Isn’t that the scheduled change to DTV?”

DTV is the change in television signals from analog to digital. You see warnings about it on every TV station. I told him that it was true.

He said, “So when we see the broadcast DTV countdown, we are also seeing the countdown of your return to Facebook?”

I never thought about that. What a coincidence! But he was still smiling, so I asked him why.

He said, “Because of the economy and the Federal coupon program going broke, the government is considering pushing back the deadline by four months. Does that mean you will consider pushing back your return to Facebook four months?”

I told him I’d let him know when the first 30 days is completed.

Troublemaker.

0126 happy year of the ox!

Today is the first day of the Chinese Year of the Ox, which lasts until February 13, 2010. People born in the Year of the Ox are dependable, good leaders, great organizers, strong, loyal, trustworthy, reliable, logical, responsible, and patient. Their honesty and eye for details helps them to prove their worth in the workplace and in their personal lives.

The good news is ... it’s not my year! Last year was (see the post for 2-7-2008). But this is Airick's year! He’s an Ox. I’ll bet he didn’t think I knew that.

The same goes for Otto and Mike C. Yes, the same Mike C that's in the 12-24-2007 post.

Hmmm.

0125 my facebook challenge - hour 162

A Facebook friend asked me how I’m doing on Facebook, which tells me that I haven’t been missed yet. Another friend told me that this time will be put to good use: to win some food fights.

I was reminded of an episode of “Stargate Atlantis”. One of the main characters, Dr. Mackay, spends over a year in another galaxy when he takes an opportunity to return to Earth for a week. Upon returning to and opening the door to his house, the first thing he does is hit a button on his answering machine. A voice responds, “You have no new messages.” Lol!

I haven’t been missing it, but I do find myself looking for a small red square in the bottom right corner of every window that I open. By the time I log back in, I’ll probably have 600 or more notifiers. Plus, about a hundred messages and several hundred requests.

Seven days down, twenty-three to go. Okay, okay, I’m rounding up.

One-hundred sixty-two hours down, five-hundred fifty-eight to go.

(sigh)

0124 where's the shrimp?

I joined some friends for dinner at Joe’s Sushi in Lakewood, featuring a dinner for seven at one of the teppanyaki tables. For those of you who don’t know, a teppanyaki table is a flat grill surrounded by a semi-circle of seats, where a chef prepares steak, chicken, seafood, fried rice, and vegetables in front of his patrons, thus showcasing his talents. For years, this has been an attraction at the Benihana chain of restaurants.

Now you know what I'm talking about.

Meeting me were Liz, Jerome, Nyla, Bobby, Grace, and Christine. I think everyone ordered combinations, although Grace and I had the chicken with ours.

I don’t know what was more entertaining. Watching the presentation of the skilled chef, or watching the interaction of the couples at the table, especially when they fed each other.

I'll tell you later after I review the photos. But first, I'll need to take some anti-nausea medicine.

I wrote a review on YELP. Look for it here.

0122 potty humor

One of my friends received the email I mentioned yesterday and replied with a copy of another joke. So here it is.

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HOW TO POOP AT WORK:

We've all been there but don't like to admit it. We've all kicked back at our desks and suddenly felt something brewing down below. As much as we try to convince ourselves otherwise, the WORK POOP is inevitable.

For those who hate pooping at work, following is the Survival Guide for taking a dump at work:

CROP DUSTING -When farting, you walk briskly around the office so the smell is not in your area and everyone else gets a whiff but doesn't know where it came from. Be careful when you do this. Do not stop until the full fart has been expelled. Walk an extra 30 feet to make sure the smell has left your pants.

FLY BY -The act of scouting out a bathroom before pooping. Walk in and check for other poopers. If there are others in the bathroom, leave and come back again. Be careful not to become a FREQUENT FLYER. People may become suspicious if they catch you constantly going into the bathroom.

ESCAPEE -A fart that slips out while taking a leak at the urinal or forcing a poop in a stall. This is usually accompanied by a sudden wave of embarrassment. If you release an escapee, do not acknowledge it. Pretend it did not happen. If you are standing next to the farter in the urinal, pretend you did not hear it. No one likes an escapee. It is uncomfortable for all involved.

JAILBREAK -When forcing a poop, several farts slip out at a machine gunpace. This is usually a side effect of diarrhea or a hangover. If this should happen, do not panic. Remain in the stall until everyone has left the bathroom to spare everyone the awkwardness of what just occurred.

COURTESY FLUSH -The act of flushing the toilet the instant the poop hits the water. This reduces the amount of air time the poop has to stink up the bathroom. This can help you avoid being caught doing the WALK OF SHAME.

WALK OF SHAME -Walking from the stall, to the sink, to the door after you have just stunk up the bathroom. This can be a very uncomfortable moment if someone walks in and busts you. As with farts, it is best to pretend that the smell does not exist. Can be avoided with the use of the COURTESY FLUSH.

OUT OF THE CLOSET POOPER -A colleague who poops at work and is damn proud of it. You will often see an Out Of The Closet Pooper enter the bathroom with a newspaper or magazine under his or her arm. Always look around the office for the Out Of The Closet Pooper before entering the bathroom.

TURD BURGLAR -Someone who does not realize that you are in the stall and tries to force the door open. This is one of the most shocking and vulnerable moments that can occur when taking a poop at work. If this occurs, remain in the stall until the Turd Burglar leaves. This way you will avoid all uncomfortable eye contact.

CAMO-COUGH -A phony cough that alerts all new entrants into the bathroom that you are in a stall. This can be used to cover-up a WATERMELON, or to alert potential Turd Burglars. Very effective when used in conjunction with an ASTAIRE.

ASTAIRE -A subtle toe-tap that is used to alert potential Turd Burglars that you are occupying a stall. This will remove all doubt that the stall is occupied. If you hear an Astaire, leave the bathroom immediately so the pooper can poop in peace.

WATERMELON -A poop that creates a loud splash when hitting the toilet water. This is also an embarrassing incident. If you feel a Watermelon coming on, create a diversion. See CAMO-COUGH.

0121 livin' in an ipod world

I received this joke in an e-mail from a friend and had to share it.

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You are on the bus when you suddenly realize ... you need to fart. The music is really loud, so you time your farts with the beat. After a couple of songs, you start to feel better as you approach your stop. As you are leaving the bus, people are really staring you down, and that's when you realize, you have been listening to your ipod.

0120 my facebook challenge - hour 40

Just when I thought I was doing good, I was blindsided by something from left field.

I was watching Barack Obama’s inauguration on TV, when the announcer told viewers to check out the comments on his Facebook page.

Temptation is starting to hit me on all sides. And I have 28 days to go!

Hey! I’ve got a great distraction. I’ll read the book of Job with my bad eye. That should take 28 days.

0120 my facebook challenge - hour 30

Wow! A whole day has passed and I don’t have the shakes.

It’s interesting. I don’t have a desire to send out stuff, but I do miss the contacts I made with friends from high school and college. I’ve realized that my only way of contacting them was through Facebook, as I didn’t store their email addresses and/or phone numbers elsewhere. Something to think about.

My friend, Debbie, made a point when she said that right after her friend died, she’d call the friend’s number, just to hear the voice reply on the message machine. We rely so much on e-mails and text messaging, that we forget about the advantages to verbal communication.

Excuse me, but I have some calls to make.

0120 make up time

I sent out a bunch of emails to the women (and a few metrosexual guys) on my distribution list about a cosmetic giveaway that’s a result of a class-action lawsuit.

The lawsuit was against cosmetic manufacturers and 14 retailers for illegally fixing prices on some cosmetic items. Without admitting guilt, the retailers agreed to giveaway free cosmetic items, beginning on January 20th, while supplies last, for seven days. Anything remaining after that time will be donated to charity..

All that is required to receive the free stuff is filling out a form and agreeing that cosmetics were purchased between 1994 and 2004, as no proof of purchase is required.

I checked it out on Snopes, and it’s true! Good luck!

For those of you so inclined, here's the link

0119 my facebook challenge - hour 13

It’s only been thirteen hours into my challenge and I find that I want to access Facebook, but for different reasons. I thought that I would get the urge to send stuff, like guardian angels. religious phrases, or Disney characters, but instead I want to check the reaction of friends to my planned absence.

I realize that the desire to log-in, just to see the comments, is temptation, one of the tools of the “enemy”, in order to break my will and independence. My resistance to this temptation is firm. For now.

Thirteen hours out of seven hundred and twenty. I’ve got a long way to go. Maybe I’ll distract myself with some “American Idol”. That was a dig on Pastor Ken. If you missed his message, be sure to get the CD. Then, you’ll understand the joke.

0117 a month away from facebook

My parents dropped me off for the evening service at SBCC. The worship was being led by John Paul Lam on the keyboard, as he did last week. John Paul had visited SBCC before, about four years ago, when he was still a music major at Pepperdine (Pastor Gary’s alma mater). I still have the CD from that visit.

Pastor Ken continued his series about a Soul Revolution, and how it’s difficult to see how something impacts us when we’re immersed in it. He suggested pulling out of something just for a month to see what kind of effect it has on us. He wasn’t saying whether it was good or bad, but just that we need the opportunity to see it objectively, just for once.

To see how it affects my life, I will be stepping away from Facebook for thirty days, just to see what kind of impact it has on my life. I think that it helps to stay in contact with others, but I need to see it from another point-of-view.

I imagine others will take the opportunity to win pillow fights, food flings, and water gun fights. Also, I won’t be able to make moves on Scrabble and Word Challenge. Plus, I won’t be sending stuff so that everyone else can catch-up.

So I’ll be off it from January 19 to February 17. I’ll probably increase my reading time, but don’t be surprised if I call out of the blue just to talk. Or IM from one of the other sites.

I really should step away from the PC for thirty days, but I may go into convulsions on the second day. Hmmm. Thirty days without a blog post ... something to think about.

0117 a skiing flashback

Jim Y came by and helped me with my walking exercise at Liberty Park. After lunch, he also helped me with a bit of shopping at Sports Authority, although I still call it Sportmart.

I bought a set of adjustable hiking sticks and look forward to using them soon. According to my physical therapist, they’re the next step in my “walking” evolution and will help me to become more independent of the walker. They’ll also help me to walk upright more.

I showed them to my father. He looked at them and said, “Okay, but where’s the helmet?”

What a vote of confidence!

0115 technological advances ... fact or fiction?

The son of a cousin called me and asked if he could interview me. I answered in the affirmative, but I was curious what it was about. He told me that he had a school assignment to write a report about changes in technology and his father (my cousin) recommended me as a source. I think it was because I was the only one at home.

A few days later, the two of them came by. While my cousin was visiting with my mother, his son came in for my “interview”. I asked him about his notebook, which was closed and he told me that he would remember everything. So I told him to go ahead and start.

Him: “What was your first home computer?”

Me: “It was a Radio Shack TRS-80, but we had to pay extra for the 8K of memory.”

I asked him if he was sure that he didn’t want to write anything down. He slowly opened his notebook and jotted some notes. I actually had to spell “TRS” for him.

Him: “Okay .... what kind of sound system did you have in college?”

Me: I had to think about that one. “It was a top-of-the-line system from Pioneer, complete with built-in 8-track player.”

His eyes started to glaze over. I asked him if he ever asked his father about this. “Yeah,” he said. “But I thought he was just kidding.”

I told him that it was good that he wasn’t interviewing my father, or else they’d be talking about vacuum tubes.

The “interview” continued on for about fifteen minutes, during which I told him the first song I owned was on a 45, that I saw the funeral for John F. Kennedy on a black-and-white television, and that my first mobile phone had to remain plugged into the cigarette lighter of the car or it wouldn’t work. Plus, all it could do was make phone calls and was the size of an electric razor, although that was considered ‘mini’ at the time.

When the “interview” was over, he just rolled his eyes and excused himself to go find his father. My cousin came in for a few minutes to chat before they left.

That night, my cousin called and said, “You actually told him about the 8-track tape player?”

“Yes,” I said. “Why?”

My cousin replied, “He’s Googling it now, along with ‘vacuum tubes’.“ We both laughed.

I told him, “You’d better get ready to answer a bunch of questions.”

Kids. (sigh)

0113 mensas need not read

Today, a friend sent me an e-mail titled “Mensa Invitational”. The Washington Post puts on a couple of annual contests and calls the event the “Mensa Invitational”. For those of you who don’t know, Mensa is an organization for individuals with a high I.Q.

One contest is to take a word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or replacing one letter, then providing a definition for the new word. The other contest is to take a common word from the dictionary and to provide a new definition for the word. Here is the e-mail..

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Here are the winners of this year's Washington Post's Mensa Invitational which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition :

1. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
2. Ignoranus: a person who is both stupid and an asshole.
3. Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
4. Reintarnation : Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
5. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
6. Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.
7. Girafitti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
8. Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.
9. Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.
10. Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)
11. Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.
12. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.
13. Glibido: All talk and no action.
14. Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
15. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
16. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
17. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.

The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest in which readers are asked to supply meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.
2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.
3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
4. Esplanade, v, To attempt an explanation while drunk.
5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.
6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.
9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.
10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.
11. Testicle n. A humorous question on an exam.
12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.
13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.
14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.
15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
16. Circumvent. n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

0110 speed dating?

The problem with Facebook is that it treats EVERYTHING as an event, and reports it so that everyone sees it.

A friend was making some changes to his profile and accidentally clicked on the ‘Relationship Status’ bar. So Facebook reported it as ‘XX is no longer single’. He quickly discovered the boo-boo and made the correction, and Facebook then announced ‘XX is now single’. Both announcements were publicized on the news feeds of all of his friends. Like me.

The announcements were time-stamped about five minutes apart, so I asked ‘what happened?’

The response I got was ‘it was a quick relationship’.

I think Speed Dating is a little too fast for me.

What do you think?

0109 fast Lexus

Have you seen the new commercial by Lexus? Two guys with helmets get in an IS. One is a driver, the other is ‘the voice of Lexus’, who tries to read from a sheet while the driver takes high-speed turns on a test track.

The next time you watch the commercial, make a note of the car’s color. It changes while they are driving. At the start of the commercial, the car is red. When the commercial ends, the car is silver. In between, the car looks black.

I know the car was going fast, but I didn’t know it was going THAT fast!

0108 I feel the earth move

Either we were just jolted by an earthquake or there was too much pepperoni on that slice of pizza.

0107 HB2U Ginnie!

Today is Ginnie’s birthday! She’s celebrating it in Thailand with friends (part of a three-week vacation there). She’s an elementary schoolteacher with LAUSD and is an active member of my Koinonia lifegroup at SBCC.

She has a small dog named Tonic. Get it? Gin and Tonic?

Wherever you are, Happy Birthday, Ginnie!


Note: The bottom photo was added after a surprise party on Feb 8th.

0107 pizza

We had pizza for dinner tonight, but getting it was a bit of an adventure. We thought we’d use Pizza Hut’s vaunted website and place our order online. But when I entered our street address, I got a pop-up that informed me that the store that served our area was NOT a part of the online system and any order placed on the site would be “for carryout only”.

We needed to have the pizza delivered, so we had to dig up the phone number and place the order the old-fashioned way.

How 20th century!

0103 reaching the carb limit

Jim Y came by to help me with my walking exercise. Usually, he wears a tank top, shorts, and flip-flops. My mother asked him what the weather was like. He responded, “It’s a bit colder today. That’s why I’m wearing a t-shirt instead of a tank top!”

We went to Lakewood Center because it’s sheltered inside. The walks have been very fruitful, but today I got tired quicker than I thought I would. We only made it once around the north wing.

Lunch was at Red Lobster. Jim really liked the bread, and so did I. I liked it so much I think I hit my carb limit for the year. And it’s only January 3rd.