1110 just a thought

I was just thinking about this after a woman friend had some relationship issues. So I just wanted to post it in case I need to repeat it in the future.

This is just my personal opinion. It’s not the result of a scientific or psychological study. It’s just something I thought about after several experiences. It’s not universal, so it won’t apply with every situation or everybody. That’s sort of a disclaimer.

If I bounce around on the tenses, sorry.

When a guy says “I need space” it’s just that. He needs space. It’s not something that someone could put a timeframe on. It may take a couple of days or a couple of weeks. We guys are not wired the same way that women are, so it’s easy to see that women would find this behavior confusing, and many would take it personally.

Generally, women are socially adept. Much of this goes back to early childhood, where young girls were socializing with other young girls, and sharing information about young boys. Young boys, however, were taught strength (personal, emotional, and physical) and individuality, so they kept much to themselves. Sure, they had friends. But only one or two that they could confide in with their deepest secrets.

This behavior (both genders) continued into adulthood. Women found socializing easy, while men were challenged by it (and often confused by it). Women shared secrets with ”gal pals” and exchanged info every time they met. Many times, an “outing” or “brunch” or “spa day” was just an opportunity to exchange information and get feedback on something that was being pondered.

Men, however, are generally socially inept. When they get together in small groups, the conversation involves sports, weather, business, or recent events. They don’t share personal information because they see it as a sign of weakness. That’s where the phrase, “That’s TMI, dude!” came from.

When a woman enters a man’s life and he starts to get strong feelings towards her, he has no one that he feels comfortable with to talk with about these feelings. Women, on the other hand, have already established a support-system with their “gal pals”, so all she needs to do is fill-in the blanks.

A man will tell a woman that “he needs space.” Women can be confused by this because they don’t understand why men can’t talk with other men, the same way that they talk with other women.

What it means is that the woman has become so much a part of his life, that he has to step back and see how much she has impacted his life. Ladies, this is a good thing. Well, usually. You see, it takes time to see how much someone has impacted your life when you see what life is like without the other person around. Many of the things that you did by yourself is now something that feels uncomfortable and/or unnatural when done alone.

In most cases, the man contacts the woman to find out if he can “fix” what he has done. Because most of the time, the woman takes it personally and blames herself for his saying “I need space.” It’s just something that he needs to do.

Women, the worst thing that you can do is establish a deadline or make an ultimatum. The man needs time and any pressure on the situation can be easily be resolved by ending the relationship. It’s a quick way (and sometimes dangerous) to make the pressure disappear. It doesn’t always happen that way, but it’s easier to do it that way. Sometimes, guys look for the “easy way out”.

However, in very few of the cases, the man finds little impact by the woman on his life and ends the relationship “before it gets messy”. Unfortunately, this man is unaware or oblivious (or both) to the damage he’s caused and it’s already “messy”.

Anyways, that’s my two-bits.

PS. If the “space” thing takes over a month, a deadline might be needed. But be ready for him to look for the exit.